The words how to find love sound almost sad. They penetrate the heart and mind as if to indicate that they come from a man or woman struggling to know how to find love. But finding true love is a desire that eludes millions of lovers and couples alike. You go into a relationship hoping you have found THE ONE just to be disappointed. For many of you, the cycle seems to repeat itself. So how do you find love?

Before we discuss this, there are a number of reasons why many people find how to find love a challenge. It is very important that we get that out of the way. Below are my top reasons why most relationships and weddings fail within the first three years.

Many years ago, the number one cause of divorce was financially related. These days however, that is no longer the case. Break-ups and divorce are often caused by an accumulation of problems. The most common causes are:

Not following your intuition: First, many years ago, I interviewed a number of divorced men and women. I asked what in their own heart they believed the cause of the demise of their marriage was. The most common answer I received was that they knew they were wrong for each other but they married anyway in the hope that the marriage would work. I have heard this so many times. Others told me that prior to their marriage, their parents told them that they had a feeling their child was marrying the wrong man or woman.

Not wanting to be alone: Second, why is it that most people – particularly women, according to research – refuse to listen to their intuition, their gut feeling? The answer to that question is really simple. They don’t want to be alone.  For many adults, especially those in their mid- to late thirties, a chance for marriage may be the closest they will ever come to having a spouse, so they go ahead and marry even if the RED FLAG is staring down at them.

Lack of preparation: Third, it is the lack of preparation. Even when two people feel that they are made for each other, that alone will not protect their love relationship or marriage. Here is what I mean by that. When you go out and buy a brand-new car and pay if off in cash, the car becomes your personal property. It is yours. It belongs to you. No one can take it away from you. However, if you decide not to learn how to drive properly and you are out speeding and you crash the car and it is totaled, you have no one to blame for losing the car but yourself. You drove the car into a tree and destroyed it. The car did not destroy itself. When something belongs to you, it is up to you to take care of it so that it lasts. That is how the world works. Love relationships are no different. If you are in one or are married, but choose to treat your significant other in a manner that causes the person to leave, the end result is due to your own action, not because the two of you don’t belong with each other.

Listen: Last is unwillingness to listen. I don’t know why that is. The world is far more advanced than it has ever been. Everything you need to be happy is around you. The information for succeeding in marriage is around you and everyone else. Despite the advancement in knowledge, one thing that we are not good at is listening. For example, the people I asked the cause of their divorce all had one thing in common: they didn’t want to listen. This includes listening to their gut feeling, their intuition. Even those who knew that they were marrying the wrong person did so because they did not listen to that still, small voice that whispered to them, “Don’t do it” or “He is not the one” or “She is not the one.” It comes down to – you guessed it – DECISION MAKING.

How do you find love? Make decisions that will yield the desired result. Listen to your intuition when you are looking for love. It is okay to be alone while you try to find your true love. Then when you have found love, be prepared to nurture it. Finally, listen by taking good advice and applying it. The doing part is the only way to accomplish your desire to find love.

Resource Box

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Ernest Quansah is the founder of Adult Counselling. He has a certificate in counselling. He has successfully coached many single men and women to find dates leading to successful marriages. He is the author of Do’s and Don’ts of Relationships: Nine Steps to a Deeper, Richer Love Relationship.  He also offers free consultations on his website.

Website www.adultcounselling.ca     Copyright © 2011. All rights reserved.

The break-up and divorce rate is now at 60 % but did you know that there is a solution?

Don’t go into a relationship out of love. Go into it to get what you want. What is that? Most people want their love relationship or marriage to work and to make them happy. If your love relationship is working, it will make you happy. If you are happy, you will fall deeper in love with the partner. On the other hand, if the relationship is not working, you may become unhappy. If you are unhappy, you fall out of love. If you fall out of love, you break up. So go after what you want, which is a love relationship that will make you happy.

Dating: Select someone who is the right person for you. How? Often when a woman is asked out, she may say, “But I don’t know you.” What does that means? It means she wants assurance that the man is the right man for her. In other words, she wants a confirmation. Confirmation that she is selecting the right person is the first step in relationship success.

Next: Hook the person. People commit to something if there is an incentive in it for them. To give someone a reason not to cheat or break up with you, give the person a reason in the form of an incentive, like Mr. Borrows–in the book—did. For example, one may say something like, “I will make you the happiest man or woman in the world, and here is why.” Most people want to be happy in a relationship, so give the partner that which he or she wants—make them happy.

Breakup and Divorce Prevention—The Dove: In West African culture, we keep doves as pets. To prevent them from leaving and not coming home, we give them sugar syrup; this way when the doves leave their nest in the morning, they always return home in the evening and never leave for good. Couples should give their partner something great that gives their partners a reason to not leave the love relationship.

For example, add what is missing in the relationship. If your spouse does not cook, rather than use that as an excuse to cheat—and I know people who do—teach the spouse how to cook, or the two of you could enroll in an evening cooking class together. Doing so arouses good feelings in the person, and people respond to feelings they have inside. Make your partner feel good, and you will prevent being cheated on or divorced.

Interracial and intercultural relationships: Learn something about  each other’s race. For example, if you are on a date with a Chinese woman, if she is up to forty minutes late, you show that you care about her by waiting and not complaining. And a Japanese woman will wait for her date to drive off after he drops her off. In North America, on the other hand, you wait for the woman to go into her house before driving off.

Perfect match: This is when the couples has the same values and vision and are moving in the same direction. It is called a perfect match or level three relationship, meaning the couple is moving in the same direction. I talk about this in my other book How to Identify Your Soulmate, which can be found on my website: www.adultcounselling.ca/

Marriage: Like I said in the book, if you are engaged or married, put together a well thought out success plan to keep your relationship strong. For example, determine how to fix deficiencies that might arise during the marriage—such as, how would both of you resolve conflicts effectively instead of yelling or blaming each other?

Have an exit strategy: Sometimes, despite your best effort, the marriage may not work. Without an exit strategy, the victim of the breakup loses. During divorce, women often lose the most—especially single mothers.

So have a separate financial identify—a separate bank account. Without this, if divorce occurs, the victim will be reluctant to leave.

The problem with that is, now the balance of power will be shifted to the partner who wants the divorce because during the period he or she decided on the divorce, he or she could start taking money from the joint account and putting it away so that after the separation, he or she has something to live off. This leaves the other person in a very difficult position.

Have you any suggestions on how to prevent break-ups? Please post them in the Comments. We’d love to hear what you have to say.

Believe in your dreams.

If you would like to read any of my articles on dating and love relationship related topics, please click SelfGrowth.com

Thank you.

Believe in your dreams.

Please join me and together we can make a real difference.

P.S. If you have any advice or suggestions to help couples, please add it.

Talk to you soon,

Ernest

I am on a mission to put an end to that. You are all invited to join me on this journey starting Friday, July 29, 2011.

I will be posting my advice as well as articles that you may find helpful.

Thank you. See you soon.

Ernest